I've been participating in a forum thread that contains fifty word flash fiction samples. We've been cranking them out over at Forumopolis and I've really been enjoying myself. I did one just as a lark and found myself coming back again and again as new ideas strike me. I've also tried distilling ideas I've had in my head into little fifty word stories.

The rules are simple ... tell a little story in fifty words. No more, no less. Exactly fifty words.

Here are a few of my entries:

Today was her day and nothing and no one else mattered, the bride thought to herself, as she gaily threw the boquet over her shoulder to the waiting throng.

The armless maid of honor wondered why she even bothered to stand amongst the gaggle of women as she toppled over.

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As he opened his eyes, the assembled Gods and divine beings and legends of old ceased their various activities and turned to stare as him. As Zeus retrieved darts from the dartboard, his opponent Shiva asked "Where did the mortal come from?"

"That meditation tape really worked!", he thought to himself.

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It felt like an eternity he had been fighting. Forever taking revenge on an endless series of opponents, each tougher than the last. As if unseen forces compelled him to forever fight. But soon it would be over. Soon he would rest. He hoped.

Right, right, up, right, A button.

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He was always a patriot. As unjust as he felt this war was, he felt it was his duty to stand for his country, no matter the personal cost.

The regimental flag across the field told him he was facing Virginians. "God", he prayed, "don't let me kill anyone I know".

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The dead were accounted for as the cleanup and rebuilding began. The world was being renewed, just as it was. Only time could heal societies scars, but the foundations of society weren't settled yet.

He pushed on a cinderblock wall, its wet mortar giving way. The second revolution had begun.

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"It was a joke." Simon thought to himself, shaking. "So this guy's wife died. Why am I to blame? A website you pay for time travelers to come back and save you? Who believes the Internet?" The crying man cocked his gun.

Just then future Simon burst in and fired.


All in all it's a fun little exercise to get the creative juices flowing. You can try out an idea or a bit of dialogue and there's no pressure. It's just a little throw away idea, but one you have to put some thought into to keep it within the word limit. Plus, if you strike upon an idea you like, you can always expand on it later.

If you'd like to read the originals and see some more samples, please feel free to check them out here.

I am a pretty big Kevin Smith fan, to the extent I have enjoyed all of his films (yes ... all), own quite a bit of merchandise, and generally find him an excellent public speaker. I find that the honesty and straightforwardness of his writing also translates into his live performances. The man can indeed tell a tale.

However, I am not quite the type of obsessive fan Mr. Smith seems to engender (even though I have viewed or just listened to his "An Evening with Kevin Smith" collection countless times). I can see where some folks might get enraptured with him, seeing in him what they see in themselves. Mr. Smith presents himself in a pretty open and raw way, with an ability to find fault in himself and preemptively defuse any criticism with a blast shield of self depreciating wit. He speaks of his work, his family, the "Hollywood machine", his friends and so much more at great length with a familiarity that breeds an innate sense of camaraderie.

I think it is in this all enveloping projection of self that people find themselves immersed in what they feel is "Kevinness". They have seen the movies, and read the words, and heard the tales. They have drank deep from the well of Smith and bask in his glow.

However ...

Kevin Smith does not love you. He does not know you. He does not particularly want to hang out with you or go get high with you.

I say this because in viewing Kevin's message boards and mostly his live performances, he seems constantly inundated with offers to go drinking, or go get high with some friends. In particular, I find the sometimes uncomfortable attempts to ingratiate oneself to Kevin … odd, to say the least.

Kevin speaks of his friends and family often, sometimes with them present (as with Jason Mewes) or even on the phone. He recounts tales of trash talk and the general hard times you give close friends when you call them on their shit. You know … buddy talk.

Please. Please. Please do not try to "buddy talk" or show Mr. Smith that you could be a "buddy" too by giving him a hard time at his venues. Don't feel that because you are a person of girth that you share a bond and can therefore comment on Mr. Smith's weight. Don't feel that because you are wasting your college years in a smoky haze that Kevin is just itching to go toke up with some local stoners, like you and your friends. Don't feel that because Mr. Smith has (rather extensive) knowledge of geek culture such as Star Wars and comic books that you need to prove your geek street cred with him. And ESPECIALLY don't try to slide in a "cool" little burn on his body of work or his appearance or something in the hope that Mr. Smith will inwardly say "Hey, that kid's got moxie. I'm going to go look him up after the show and see if he wants to go grab some Tim Hortons and shoot the shit."

I think it is an interesting aspect of fandom, this perceived "connection" with the creator of your favorite work. In the ‘Modern Masters' series that interviews comic book creators, one issue interviewed John Byrne, no stranger to double edged sword of fandom. From overzealous ministers of the church of Byrne, trying to convert every comic book heathen they find to the near psychotic detractors that not only don't like his work, but would like to cleanse the Earth of any mention of Mr. Byrne's existence, he has been the target of the full spectrum of fandom. The subject of Mr. Byrne's rabid fans (and venomous detractors) is brought up and he had an interesting take on the matter (which I will expound on a bit).

Essentially he says the creator is creating a monologue. He is telling you a story, whether though words or images. A good creator will create settings and characters people can identify with, so as to make their work identifiable and accessible. A good creator also puts something of himself in his work. That certain spark of what the story means to them and what point it is that they are trying to make. But it is all done solo. The creator, alone, with his typewriter/drawing board/film editing deck, etc. is putting forth his views in a monologue to whoever decided to partake of his vision.

Where the obsessive fandom comes in (both the positive fan and the naysayer) is when the person taking in the creator's monologue feels it is a dialogue. That is to say that the reader/viewer feels the creator is speaking directly to them and that they in turn must "know" what the creator is really like. Some people find it comforting and identify with the creator, imbuing the creator with all sorts of reflections of the reader's personality and interests. "Hey, this guy understands me. He writes about people like me and my friends. He must be like me and my friends. My friends and I call each other ‘limp-dick' all the time. I bet he would totally find it hilarious if I called him ‘limp-dick' too!"

On the flip side, the interruption of a previously established "dialogue" from a previously established work (and possibly another creator) can lead some viewers to have a visceral reaction to the work and again attribute personality traits. "Hey, my favorite character would never say that. This guy is a hack and is therefore an asshole and a terrible human being. I bet he molests kittens. I better get on the Internets and let the world know what a horrible person he is."

While most celebrities and creative types have fans that may enjoy their work or have people who could care less, Mr. Smith tends to be a lightning rod for the type of rabid fandom that swings in the widest arc possible. But he also has that other aspect that almost compels some fans to not only feel that the connection is there, but that they just have to make Mr. Smith see it and they will be lifelong friends.

While people gush over Woody Allen's work when he makes appearance, you generally don't see people asking him to go get drunk after the show. When Robert Deniro appears on the Actor's Studio, some fans are obviously overwhelmed with awe and stammer their questions, but no one asks him to shake his ass on stage.

Mr. Smith does in deed make fun films and does indeed seem like a very cool guy, but should you ever meet him or come in contact with him, just say "hi", ask your question and give him his props. Let him know that you enjoy his work and then turn around and go back about your daily activities.

And let me just say that while Mr. Smith does not love you, you may indeed love him. Just respectfully and from afar.

Like my daughter.



Oh Moriah. Looks like daddy ... but isn't daddy. You're not going to kiss everyone with a beard are you?